The thought of such a topic gives me chills. It is what we grew up with and have been accustomed to. I attended a conference the other day and this topic was brought up; literally got to question my childhood. Its funny how growing up we were continuously taught to be bold in everything, excel in sports and be manly.
This has lived on with us for centuries, with the statement that men don’t cry ‘indvodza ayikhali’. This has been the notion of Swati culture and unfortunately has led to the downfall of masculinity. As a transgender man, I am not allowed to show my feminine side, which is of-course expressing my emotions even when I am distraught. I am expected to be calm, even when I am in pain. I am expected to withhold my tears even when I am meant to let them out. As activists we are exposed to the harshest of conditions. We are meant to brace through every harmful experience as though we don’t matter. I must utterly speak on this; violent spaces do exist and they affect us as well. We uphold feelings of being content and yet honestly we are not. I saw my psychologist the other day and we actually spoke at length about this. She mentioned how we as individuals subject ourselves through these gruesome experiences on behalf of the communities we serve because we love them dearly (hero syndrome she said).
Delaying progress
Now back to the subject at hand, manhood has always been defined as the utmost gender (patriarchy right) is a set of attributes, behaviors, and roles associated with boys and men. This is a social construct of sort. What if we tapped into our feminine side of things, what if we stopped claiming that ‘boys will be boys’? The concept of aggression and being bold as a character trait of masculinity has literally destroyed our society. Some people have literally taken this to heart and this aggression at times escalates to tremendous extremities (machismo). Some traditionally prescribed masculine behaviors can produce such harmful effects as violence (including sexual assault and domestic violence), promiscuity, risky and/or socially irresponsible behaviors including substance abuse, and dysfunction in relationships(Ming & Shepard,2011).
A colleague of mine mentioned how he was exposed to fighting during his youthful days (stick fighting) just so that he could prove he was man enough. This has stuck with him throughout, and now as a grown man he still finds the need to prove that he is man enough. Are we as a society preaching the right doctrine I wonder? Do we have to believe in such a concept?
Gender equality
We continue to speak of gender equality and yet the concept of toxic masculinity tends to delay such a principle. The aggression portrayed by individuals over the concept tends to look over and above other genders. Trans-genderism (feminine perspective) and non-binarism is always overlooked, and masculinity is always seen to shine (witticism). Men (either transgender or other sort) are always trying to prove their presence. They are at most times always meant to look like men (posture), hide their breasts, shave their heads etc. Gender equality entails a presence of all genders living harmoniously, viewing each other as equals.
Self-affirmation
I have always been one to believe that embracing our true-selves is the only we can reach our full potential. Social constructs will always be there, but knowing what defines you as an individual helps you reach self-actualization. Let us embrace our true beings; who we truly are and not what society has defined us to be.
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